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Arranged Marriage
28M, parents rejecting every girl over caste, I am done
I have met 3 girls in the last 6 months that I actually liked. All 3 got shot down by my parents, same reason every time, caste.
I dont care about it. They treat it like a dealbreaker above everything, education, nature, values, all of it.
I am at the point where I am thinking of just finding someone myself and dealing with the drama. But I also dont want to cut off my family.
Anyone been through this? How did it end for you? Looking for real experiences not just "do what your heart says".
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Comments
My parents said never, then came to the wedding, then cried happy tears. People surprise you when the deed is done.
The fear of cutting them off is exactly what they count on. You can choose your partner and still love your parents. Both.
Dont threaten, dont beg. Just calmly say this matters to me and I hope you will be part of it. Calm firmness works better than fights.
Also prep financially for the chance they wont fund the wedding. Independence gives you backbone in these talks.
Give it a hard timeline in your head. Like, I will try their way for 6 more months, then I do it my way. Open ended waiting breaks you.
Did inter caste, 5 yrs now. The storm is real but short. What lasts is the regret if you let them pick wrong for you.
Caste as a dealbreaker above character is just prejudice with extra steps. Glad your generation is pushing back on it.
OP here. The hardest part is they are good parents otherwise. This one thing just has them completely irrational.
You dont have to cut them off to marry who you want. Give them time, keep the door open, but dont hand them a veto on your life.
Honestly once a wedding date is set, 90% of families fall in line. Nobody wants to be the one who boycotted.
My advice, involve one open minded relative as a bridge. A bua or mama who can soften your parents helps a lot.
Find the girl first, then have the talk. An abstract fight over caste is harder than when there is a real person they can meet.
At 28 you are an adult. Respect your parents, dont obey them blindly. Those are two different things people confuse.
Went through the exact same thing. Married outside caste 2 yrs ago. Parents were cold for a yr, now they adore her. Time heals a lot.
Dont let 3 rejections become 30. Each no over caste is them wasting a good girls time and yours. Change the approach.
Keep meeting people you like regardless. The more they see you serious and happy, the more their resolve cracks.
You already know what you want. The question is just how much short term discomfort you can take for long term peace. Worth it imo.
Thanks all, genuinely needed to hear from ppl who came out the other side and not just theory.
My brother did this. The drama was 6 months of hell then everyone moved on. Grandkid usually resets the grandparents, lol.
Three good matches rejected over one factor. That tells you where their priorities are. Painful but useful info.