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Arranged Marriage
We matched on everything but he smokes and hides it. Dealbreaker?
Everything else fits, values, family, humour, plans. Then I found out he smokes, which he had flat out denied twice when asked.
It is not even the smoking that gets me most, it is that he lied about it so easily to my face.
If he hid this small thing so smoothly, what else gets hidden later? Is this a fixable honesty slip or a real dealbreaker? Torn because the rest is so right.
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Comments
Confront it directly, calmly. If he owns it and is honest going forward, maybe. If he minimises or lies again, done.
Give him one chance to come clean when you raise it. How he handles being caught tells you if it was shame or character.
The lie is the dealbreaker, not the cigarette. He denied it twice to your face. That is the trait you are really judging.
Smoking you can live with or set boundaries on. The reflex to deny under a direct question is the actual red flag.
As a guy, hiding smoking is small, but lying smoothly when directly asked is not. That ease is what should worry you.
People quit smoking. Fewer people quit lying when cornered. Weigh the honesty pattern, not the nicotine, before deciding.
Not an overreaction. Trust your gut, the easy lie is the real information here, the cigarette is just how you found it.
My rule was always, the lie matters more than the thing lied about. Saved me from a charming man who hid a lot more.
Everything matching makes this harder, I know. But a clean match built on a casual lie has a crack in the foundation.
If he can look you in the eye and deny a small thing twice, imagine the big things. The smoke is not the fire here.