11
First Meeting
Parents fixed a girl without asking me. Meeting is next week
Came home to find my parents have basically shortlisted a girl and told her family we are interested. I only saw one photo. Meeting is set for next Sun.
I am not even angry, more stunned they moved this far without a word to me.
How do I go into this meeting without feeling like a passenger in my own marriage? And how do I tell my parents, gently, to involve me BEFORE the next time?
11
Comments
Go in open but not committed. Worst case it is one awkward coffee. Best case the pressure cooker actually made a match.
OP here. Yeah I am going in with my own list of questions, not just nodding along. Thanks all, needed the reframe.
Ask the girl directly how she feels about the pace. If you both bond over being rushed, that is a decent start honestly.
Stunned is fair. Channel it into a calm boundary, not a fight. You will meet more girls, you only have these parents.
One photo and a date set is wild. But dont punish the girl for your parents speed. Judge her on her, separately.
The girl is probably feeling just as railroaded. Use the meeting to actually talk to HER, not the arrangement around you.
Tell your parents after, calmly, that you are grateful but want to be looped in before the next first move. Set it kindly.
Go to the meeting with your own questions ready. Being prepared flips you from passenger back to driver real quick.
Meeting her does not mean yes. Make that clear to your parents before Sun so no one feels tricked later.
Same thing happened to me. Meeting was fine, but I used it to reset the rule with my parents going forward. Worked.